When it comes to nurturing emotional health in children, the words we choose carry lasting influence. According to educator Lily Howard Scott, language plays a central role in how children interpret their experiences, build resilience, and regulate emotions.
In a recent Harvard EdCast episode, Scott outlines how subtle shifts in communication can support children’s social-emotional growth. Below are five practical and research-informed ways to reword everyday interactions to better support children’s emotional wellbeing.
1. Reframe Mistakes as Opportunities for Growth
Instead of: “You got it wrong.”
Try: “That was a brilliant mistake—what did you learn from it?”
When adults reframe errors as part of the learning process, children are more likely to take healthy risks and develop a growth mindset. This approach reduces the shame often tied to failure.
2. Acknowledge Emotions Without Trying to Fix Them
Instead of: “Don’t be upset.”
Try: “It’s okay to feel upset. Do you want to talk about it?”
Validating a child’s emotional experience without rushing to solve it allows them to feel seen and heard. Over time, this builds self-awareness and trust.
3. Normalise Emotional Fluctuations
Instead of: “Calm down.”
Try: “Feelings are like visitors — they come and go.”
This analogy helps children understand that strong emotions are temporary. It supports emotional regulation by encouraging them to observe their feelings rather than become overwhelmed by them.
4. Model Emotionally Healthy Self-Talk
Instead of: Only correcting a child’s reaction.
Try: “I got frustrated earlier too, so I took a moment to reset.”
When adults verbalise their own coping strategies, children learn that emotional regulation is something even grown-ups practise. It also makes self-compassion more accessible and acceptable.
5. Use Curiosity Instead of Criticism
Instead of: “You’re not trying hard enough.”
Try: “What part feels hard right now? Can I help you think it through?”
Shifting from judgement to inquiry encourages collaboration. It also helps children build problem-solving skills and reduces defensiveness, allowing them to stay engaged when things feel difficult.
As Scott explains, the language children hear in their early years often becomes their inner voice. By using thoughtful and supportive phrases, parents and educators can positively shape that voice — helping children become more resilient, emotionally literate, and confident in facing life’s challenges.
For more details, listen to the full episode on the Harvard EdCast: The Words We Choose.
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